Growing Older 1
Stacy Ikard
Growing Older 1
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Growing Older Week 1 – The Text
Holy Invitation to Growing Older
Checking In:
How Do You feel about growing older?
What Fears do you Carry about it?
What Questions do You have about it?
What Do You Think God’s Desire might be for you as you grow older?
Psalm 71
In you, O Lord, I take refuge; let me never be put to
shame.
2 In your righteousness deliver me and rescue me;
incline your ear to me and save me.3 Be
to me a rock of refuge,
a strong fortress[a] to
save me, for you are my rock and my fortress.
4 Rescue me, O my God, from the hand of the wicked, from
the grasp of the unjust and cruel.
5 For you, O Lord, are my hope, my trust, O Lord,
from my youth.
6 From my birth I have leaned upon you, my protector
since my mother’s womb.[b]
My praise is continually of you. I have been like a
portent to many, but you are my strong refuge.
8 My mouth is filled with your praise and with your
glory all day long.
9 Do not cast me off in the time of old age; do not
forsake me when my strength is spent.
10 For my enemies speak concerning me, and those who
watch for my life consult together.
11 They say, “Pursue and seize that person whom God has
forsaken,
for there is no one to deliver.” O
God, do not be far from me;
O my God, make haste to help me! 3 Let
my accusers be put to shame and consumed;
let those who seek to hurt me be covered with scorn and
disgrace.
14 But I will hope continually and will praise you yet
more and more.
15 My mouth will tell of your righteous acts, of your
deeds of salvation all day long,
though their number is past my knowledge.
16 I will come praising the mighty deeds of the
Lord God; 17 O God, from my youth you have taught
me,
and I still proclaim your wondrous deeds.8 So
even to old age and gray hairs,
O God, do not forsake me, until I proclaim your might
to all the generations to come. Our power 19 and
your righteousness, O God,
reach the high heavens. You who have done great things,
O God, who is like you?
The Seasons of Life
Dark Night of the Senses
Proficiency
Dark Night of the Spirit
Struggle to Get Our Lives Together
Struggle to Give Our Lives Away
Struggle to Age Gracefully and Give Our Death Away
Hungry Child
Nurturing Adult
Blessing Elder
How It Begins…
• Circumstances change
• Question: What are these remaining years for?
• What does God and nature intend for you now?
• What you called to give birth to now?
• What is your post-menopausal baby (think Isaac, John the Baptist etc)– your final gift to your loved ones and the world?
• Restlessness and yearning
Henry Nouwen
Our Greatest Gift, A meditation on Dying and Caring
“At a certain point in our lives the question is no longer: what can I still do so that my life makes a contribution?" Rather it becomes: how can I live now so that my death will be an optimal blessing to my family, the church, and the world… the central question should not be, how much time still remains? but rather, how can I prepare now so that my dying will be a new way for me to leave a warm, nurturing, and blessing spirit behind for those who have loved me and whom I have loved?”
Out lives don’t belong to us – our deaths don’t either
What we die with we leave with the world.
bittterness, shame anger
or peace, gratitude and love.
“Giving our death away as a gift to our loved ones, means that at some point in our lives we need to stop focusing on our agenda and begin to focus on our obituary, on what kind of spirit we will be leaving behind. “
James Hillman – The Force of Character and the Lasting Life
What did God have in mind when designing the aging process?
Mellowing wine? Old wine in new
wineskins?
It’s a huge mistake to read the signs of aging as indications of dying rather
than as initiations into another way of life. Each physical diminishment (from
why we have to get up at night to go to the bathroom to why our skin sags and
goes dry) is designed to mature the soul. And they do their work without our
consent, relentlessly and ruthlessly.
The aging process, eventually turns us all into monks and that, indeed, is its
plan, just as it once pumped all those excessive hormones into our bodies to
drive us out of our homes at puberty. And again, God is in on this conspiracy.
Aging isn’t always pleasant or easy; but there’s a rhyme and reason to the
process.
Aging deliteralizes biology. The soul
finally gets to trump the body and rise to the fore: “We can imagine aging as a
transformation in beauty as much as in biology,” writes Hillman. “The old are
like images on display that transpose biological life into imagination and art.
The old become strikingly memorable, ancestral representations, characters in
the play of civilization, each a unique, irreplaceable figure of value
David Brooks – The Second Mountain
The First Mountain, which is our journey into midlife and maturity, is
often focused on individualism, personal happiness, independence, autonomy,
taking charge, developing a career, accomplishments, self-interest, buying and
selling, taking care of yourself, keeping your options open, and finding
yourself. The Second Mountain, which is the task of midlife and beyond,
by contrast, needs to be focused on meaning, on moral joy, on interdependence,
on relationships, on listening, on re-enchanting our perception of things, on
acts of love that take us beyond self-interest, on loving others, on making
commitments and keeping them, and on giving oneself away. As we age and move
into the second half of our lives, Brooks suggests there are three metaphors
for growth that we might take as a roadmap. What is best in our DNA invites us
to move from suffering to wisdom to service; from dying
to the old self, to cleansing in emptiness, to resurrecting in
the new; and from the agony of the valley to the purgation
in the desert, to the insight on the mountaintop. And all of
this, he says, will leave us radiating a “bright sadness” which is what depth
of soul looks like on the surface. 18
Kathleen Dowling Singh– The Grace of: Aging, Living, Dying
The process of aging and dying is exquisitely calibrated to bring us into
the realm of spirit.
There is a wisdom in the aging and dying process. Here is what it is
designed to do.
Aging and dying breaks down our ego.
Process of aging and dying will do for us what a deep life of prayer and
selflessness was meant to do for us – break our selfishness and open us to the
realm of the spirit.
The process of aging and dying has clear intent: God will get us, one way or
the other
Questions About the Mellow Soul
What are some of the ways you see this happening around you?
- People?
- Events?
- Life Moments?
What are signs that this is not happening?
How can we help this transformation in our own souls? In our close relatives?
- Education
- Self Knowledge
- Centering- Meditation – Prayer
- Community
- Mission Statements and Covenants
final tips & takeaways
- CONSISTENT REHEARSAL
- Strengthen your familiarity
- REFINE DELIVERY STYLE
- Pacing, tone, and emphasis
- TIMING AND TRANSITIONS
- Aim for seamless, professional delivery
- PRACTICE AUDIENCE
- Enlist colleagues to listen & provide feedback
- Seek feedback
- Reflect on performance
- Explore new techniques
- Set personal goals
- Iterate and adapt
An Example
“That is why I have decided to stand up and open my eyes. I have decided to eat and drink in moderation, to sleep as necessary, to write only what contributes toward improving those who read me, to abstain from greed, and never compare myself to others. I have also decided to water my plants and care for an animal. I will visit the sick, I will converse with the lonely, and I will not let much time go by before playing with a child … I will live for those things according to an ethics of attention and care. And this is how I will arrive at a happy old age, when I will contemplate, humble and proud at the same time, the small but grand orchard that I have cultivated. Life as cult, culture, and cultivation. Pablo d’Ors